The Worthy Pranks of Arthur and Shep
by SpaghettiGirl
Summary: "You put cockroaches in my soup!"


"Arthur, come here for a minute," Father waved him over, from the other end of the ballroom.

He turned to Shep and groaned good-naturedly. "Sorry Shep. Be back in a sec." He jogged towards his father, dodging dancing couples and prissy ladies who where doing their best to keep their piled up hair in place.

"What is it da— I mean, _father_." Arthur hastily corrected himself, praying that they hadn't heard his mistake. He almost slipped up, saying 'dad' instead of 'father'. He had no idea why his dad insisted on it. He knew some kids who call their dads by their first names.

_It's proper_, his dad had explained. Arthur had just rolled his eyes.

"I'd like you to meet someone," Dad gestured towards a man wearing a tight black tux.

Arthur mildly wondered how the man could breathe in his suit. "It's nice to meet you sir," he said politely, just as he had been taught. He smiled his winning smile, which no adult (or girl) could ever resist.

The man nodded stiffly, but did not smile or speak. Arthur's smile faltered.

"This is Ellie," Dad continued without noticing. "He's a family friend of ours." Dad looked at Arthur, his eyes intense. "A _family _friend. Do you understand Arthur?"

Arthur froze, then nodded furiously, suddenly excited. He understood.

"Good. Ellie is going to be your mentor. Your training will begin next week."

"My mentor?" Arthur asked. "As in, school mentor, or the you-know-what mentor?"

"Both," Dad replied.

Arthur stared at him. "Wha- what do you mean? Aren't I going to school?"

Dad gazed at him coldly. "Yes Arthur, you will be. Starting next week, you will go to a special private school, where all your relatives go." He vaguely pointed ahead. "Now go. You are excused."

Arthur felt like sinking through the floor. Transferring schools? No. Dad hadn't mentioned that. What would happen to his friends? And the reputation he earned as the most popular (and hottest) boy in grade seven? He had worked all year for that!

This couldn't be happening to him.

Shep clapped his back. "What's wrong cousin? You look like your dad just told you that you've got to baby-sit our cousin Elaine!" He chuckled at how unlikely that was, but stopped when he saw Arthur's facial expression.

"Oh nothing at all Shep!" Arthur said sarcastically. "Just great news. It turns out that I'm going to be going to a school with our snotty relatives! It's amazing!"

Shep looked at him, shocked. Then, he burst out laughing so hard, he doubled over. "Y-yeah, right!" he gasped once his fit of laughter subsided. "And I'm the son of a Cahill!"

Arthur glared at him. "I'm not joking."

Shep almost started smiling again, but wiped it off his face once he realized that Arthur was serious. "What? For real? But you're not fighting or anything!" he protested.

"I can't do that in front of all these people," he replied moodily. "My dad would have my head!"

Shep gaped. "That's it? You're just going to- to— _submit_?"

"Well, what am I supposed to do? _Oh Dad, I don't what to transfer schools! I want to stay in my school with all the guys and hot girls!_" Arthur imitated in a high and squeaky voice. "Yeah, that's really going to work."

"But this is not like you!"

"It's not only that," Arthur lowered his voice. "You see that guy over there?" He jerked his head towards Ellie.

Shep peeped over his head and nodded. "What about him?"

"He works for one of _them_." By this time, he was whispering.

Shep's eyes widened. "What? Really? Were you chosen?"

Arthur gritted his teeth. "Yeah, I was. I thought it was really cool at first—"

"You still do," Shep interrupted. "And so do I."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Whatever. The point is that it's not as great as we thought. I mean, seriously. It feels like they're trying to isolate me on purpose."

Shep shrugged. "They probably are. I mean, I guess they want all the Vesper kids in one place so that you don't leak out any of their secrets."

He shot him a dirty look. "Thanks. Thanks a lot."

"It's true! And anyways, you should be glad," Shep said enviously. "My parents are always talking about what an honour it is to be chosen."

"I don't care about honour! You can have my spot if you want, Shep."

Shep rolled his eyes. "Forget about it for now. We'll find away to get you expelled or something later on. Let's focus on the plan."

Arthur's eyes lit up, like a child's on Christmas morning. He completely forgot about his recent problems. "You got the leeches?"

Shep grinned evilly. "Oh yeah. But you owe me a penny for it. Bob charged me two just for ten leeches!"

"Fine. Then let's put them in—" he closed his eyes, and pointed at a random person in the crowed. "—that person's dinner."

Shep gasped. "No way! That's Aunt Margaret! My dad will kill me when he finds out, if that snake doesn't get to us first!"

"Do you have a point?" Arthur asked. "Come on. Don't be such a wimp!"

"Look, maybe we can pick someone else. Like- like Uncle Ernie! Or that girl with the really long braids—"

Arthur sighed. "Uncle Ernie won't freak out. It would be no fun! And that girl is afraid of nothing. I think she _likes_ leeches!"

Shep groaned. "Okay fine. I'm going to regret this later on…"

* * *

"Oh, yes, really?"

"It must be quiet an honour."

"Well, I suppose, but—"

"_Ahhhhh_!" A loud, piercing shriek interrupted the polite conversations.

Uncle Ernie rushed towards the source, limping slightly. "What is it Margaret?" he asked after he spotted the screaming woman.

Margaret's eyes were wild as she pointed at two finely dressed and innocent-looking boys. "Them! Those- those— _animals_!"

Ernie glanced wearily at the boys. "What are you talking about? That's Arthur and Shep, our most well-behaved boys."

They supported his statement by widening their eyes, and shooting each other confused stares.

"What do you mean Aunty?" the shorter of the pair, Shep, asked.

"You know full well what I mean!" she howled in a British accent. "You put cockroaches in my soup!"

"Cockroaches?" Shep repeated, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"Actually, they're leeches," Arthur corrected.

Everyone turned to glare at him.

"Ha!" Margaret crowed. "So you did put them in!"

"Oh yeah," Arthur said.

Shep glared at him. "Arty!" he hissed.

"What?" he raised his hands up in defeat. "We've been caught. No point in fighting."

"Well," a deep, booming voice spoke up. Ernie turned to find himself facing one of the most intimidating men he knew; Arthur's father, frequently called the Big Man. "Now that the suspects have been proven guilty, we can all return to our dinners. I will find a suitable punishment for the boys."

Shep and Arthur glanced at each other, dismayed.

Ernie sighed, relieved that this situation had been solved. Now, he could only hope that Shep and Arthur's punishment wasn't too severe…

**A/N: My deepest and most sincere apologies. I know it wasn't all that great... but I just got bored. Whoops. Feeble excuse, sorry. My New Years resolution is to try and _not_ make excuses (however true they may be). I actually wrote this for a contest, but then realized that it wouln't qualify. Eh. Whatever. So this is the first of Arthur and Shep's pranks. I'm going to try to write more, but if I can't, then this is a one-shot.**

**Not betaed. I didn't want to bug my (AWESOME) beta. She's pretty busy. (I'm sorry, I'm sorry Lapulta! Please don't get mad at me!). You see any mistakes? (I'm sure there are). Write a review.**

**I'm working on something else, so don't expect anything from me for awhile. Bye!**


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